Risk Everything????

Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of The Deep End of the Ocean, has an opinion piece in the June edition of Reader’s Digest in which she encourages her children to “risk everything” in regards to their career dreams and goals as “Plans B, C, D, and E will always be there. Grab Plan A.” In reference to her 13-year-old daughter’s latest and greatest desire to join the FBI, Jacquelyn writes, “I hope that her life turns out absolutely according to her dreams. If she doesn’t quite hit the bull’s eye, then she’ll still have aimed in the right direction.”

What a wonderful thought. That’s exactly what we all want for our kids – financial and personal success pursuing something about which they are passionate.

She cites a father who encouraged his eleven and twelve year old sons to pursue business technology college careers even though they’d both inherited their mother’s concert-quality music abilities. She expresses concern that at their young ages, he’s “already squelched the aptitudes and passions to which his boys had devoted their childhoods.” “That’s not my place as a parent,” she writes. “The world will dole out its own reality checks to my kids.”

So, what exactly IS the place of the parent? There’s little doubt in my mind we want the absolute best for our children. We want them to be self-sufficient AND more successful than we are. But do we really want them to risk everything in this day and age of economic uncertainty? Where academic and technical education is competitive and excruciatingly expensive? Are we prepared to support them financially as they pursue their dream goal of being the next Andy Warhol, Julia Roberts, Rachel Ray, Ryan Seacrest or Tiger Woods? Can we support them financially into their thirties, forties?

I know I can’t.

Life is plentiful with numerous reality checks. So if we can prevent some of those, shouldn't we?

Jacquelyn writes that her 10-year old recently mentioned her dream of being a professional cheerleader and to open an ear-piercing boutique for dogs. She states she kept her thoughts to herself (wisely, I might add) but later “wondered why we hadn’t already heard about the trend of dogs sporting chandelier earrings. My daughter might be a visionary!” We haven’t heard about canine ear-piercing pagodas because it wouldn’t work! Fifi would have blood trickling down her dainty bedazzled earlobes within sixty seconds of piercing them. Earrings for dogs would be as annoying as fleas! Imagine pitching that proposal, complete with business analysis, to your lender……..Her daughter might well be a visionary-in-the-making, but hardly for piercing doggie ears I would venture. The ASPCA would have a field day.

I agree with Jacquelyn’s position that the wisest parents she knows are honest. To take her statement a step further……I believe honest not only with their children, but also with themselves. AND realistic. Parents watch their children grow, struggle, succeed, blossom and shrink on a daily basis. It is a parental “duty” to encourage toward strengths and sound judgment, away from impracticality or weakness regardless of the passion. If your child loves the game of soccer but only sees the field for three minutes at the end of the first half, chances are he will not be the next David Beckham. By the same token, I wanted my son to excel on the high school football field. While he was pretty good in junior high, he didn’t LOVE it the way I did. It was my dream, not his. So when he quit in 9th grade, it was ok. His strengths lay in computer graphics which he turned into a job with Activision Blizzard.

The true key is to encourage innovative/visionary thinking while keeping your child grounded and living in the “real” world. It’s both fantastic and healthy for Jacquelyn’s daughter to have dreams of a dog ear-piercing boutique at age ten. It’s a completely different thing to encourage that same goal as an 18-year-old. I’m sure Jacquelyn’s daughter will change her mind twenty more times between now and college enrollment, so her pioneer way-of-thought, crucial to life skills development, should be nurtured and taken with a grain of salt. Where there’s a will there’s a way, but if the battle is all uphill, there may be a different will with a better way just waiting for the opportunity to thrive.

The encouragement “risk everything” runs totally contrary to everything I believe. In this day and age, only a select silver-spooned few have the ability to risk everything with no consequences. The real damage occurs when parents encourage their children to pursue unrealistic opportunities or those in which the risks outweigh the benefits.

Certainly, do not give up on the dream, but realize that dream must be kept in perspective. Is it working for you? In other words, are you achieving the results you desire? If not, you are free to make an infinite number of choices resulting in possibly a different goal.

Will our children make mistakes – yes. Will they have regrets – maybe?

Do you?

That’s life.

While Jacquelyn’s best advice is “risk everything” mine would be do not risk what you can’t afford to lose and never be afraid to make a different choice. It doesn’t mean you’re compromising or giving up on your dream, it simply means you are creating a new one.